i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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