I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
