New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I need to align my fucking chakras
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
