All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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