I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
