at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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