Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
