i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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