Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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