Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
