Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
home. puking in laundry basket.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
