I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
