She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
