we have pet lesbian snakes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
