I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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