I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
