thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
