Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
