Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
