I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
