I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
