I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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