Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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