I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
