dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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