I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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