Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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