Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
