cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
