I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
