onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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