I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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