I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
