You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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