remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
