She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
