the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
