So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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