if you like me you must not know who I am
Just cropdusted the office
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
