I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There's always time for handjobs
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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