You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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