I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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