I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
