He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
