My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
