i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
