I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
