but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
