dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
