how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
