I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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