Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
