you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
