My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize