I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
