we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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