So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
