so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
