covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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