Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
