That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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