take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
