I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
