Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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