I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
