My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
