i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
