If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
