man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize