Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
These tits shall not be calmed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
