btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
