Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Jerry, you need to find god
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
