I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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