He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
