Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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