We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
