i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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