very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
True strength comes from lack of pants
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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