Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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