the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
