I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
and you fell through a lawn chair
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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