Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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