Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
