This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
