He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
