i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
