You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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