It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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